Does Childhood Trauma Really Make People Cold? Science Reveals the Truth About Emotional Freezing

On the counseling room sofa, Xiao Lin sat with a stiff back. When the counselor mentioned "warm moments in childhood memories," he snorted: "Forgot!"

Ten years ago, he hid behind a tree, watching his father smash his mother's favorite vase. In that moment, time seemed to stop, sounds muted, only seeing flying shards tumbling in the sunlight, cutting the home in his heart to pieces. From then on, he felt his childhood had ended.

Everyday Manifestations of Emotional Freezing

Case 1: Xiao Lin's Story

Xiao Lin grew up in a family with tense parental relationships, becoming silent and withdrawn as an adult, uninterested in everything around him. Friends found him hard to approach, always keeping others at a distance.

Case 2: A Qiang's Experience

In the break room, A Qiang stared blankly at the bell peppers and pork in his lunchbox—identical to the meal his mother handed him when locked on the balcony as punishment at age 9. When a colleague tapped his shoulder asking "Want to hike this weekend?", he sprang up alert like a coiled spring.

Case 3: Xiao Xuan's Dilemma

At the winter solstice dinner table, Xiao Xuan held her bowl emptily waiting for her aunt to serve her cousin first. She remembered being thirteen, criticized by relatives as "cold-blooded, unfilial" for not crying at her mother's funeral.

Why Does Childhood Trauma Make People Cold?

Emotional Defense Mechanism

Those unshed tears, unexpressed grievances and fears might be emotional defense mechanisms evolved for survival during childhood trauma.

**Analogy**: Like desert plants contracting leaves to reduce water evaporation for survival, minds long exposed to harm also close some emotional channels to preserve mental energy.

Brain's Biological Mechanisms

Overactive Amygdala

When children experience long-term fear and insecurity during childhood, the amygdala ("alarm system") in their brains becomes abnormally active.

Emotional Channel Shutdown

Frequent trauma keeps the amygdala in constant "alarm" state. To protect itself, the brain gradually closes some emotional connection channels, and empathy-related brain regions also become inhibited.

**Result**: Emotional "pathways" become partially blocked, making it difficult to fully feel and respond to others' emotions like normal people.

Cultural Environment Influence

Traditional Chinese beliefs that "family shame shouldn't be publicized" mean children experiencing family trauma may not receive effective emotional support from outside.

**Analogy**: This cultural environment acts like an invisible cocoon, trapping children in trauma's shadow, isolated and unable to self-rescue.

Trauma-Frozen Emotions Can Change

Advice for Parents

If you realize your past actions hurt your child, sincerely say: "I'm sorry, Mom (Dad) didn't know that would hurt you so much, making you suffer so much grievance."

**Important note**: Children have been waiting for this sentence for a long time.

Advice for Trauma Survivors

1. Accept Yourself

If you realize childhood trauma made you cold, don't be afraid, and don't blame yourself. It's not your fault—you just learned a self-protection method from past harm.

2. Self-Dialogue Practice

In a safe environment, sit quietly, close your eyes, slowly try opening those dusty experiences.

**Dialogue example**: "I've grown up now, that harm can't affect me anymore."

Or speak across time to your younger self: "You really had it tough back then, you did amazingly well to manage, now I won't let anyone hurt you anymore, we've grown up..."

3. Writing Release

Use writing to express past emotions, grievances, anger—this is excellent for processing and release.

4. Gradual Socialization

Try participating in social activities like joining interest groups, volunteering, etc.

**Key**: Don't pressure yourself, don't force deep relationships. Simply participate, observe others' communication styles.

**Analogy**: Like saplings needing gradual adaptation to sunlight and rain to grow strong.

5. Seek Professional Help

If you feel unable to escape childhood trauma's shadow alone, don't hesitate to seek professional psychological counseling.

Summary

Childhood emotional trauma makes people appear cold, but this doesn't mean we're doomed to be forever bound by the past. As long as we're willing to summon a little courage and take one small step forward, we can definitely melt the ice of coldness, gradually returning to this warm emotional world.

Heal childhood trauma with love and courage, letting life bloom with each person's unique brilliance!