Parental Perfectionism? Psychology Research Reveals the Truth

What is Social Parenting Perfectionism?

Many parents want to be "perfect parents," a common aspiration in modern society. But do you know how this perfectionism affects children?

**Social Parenting Perfectionism** refers to parents feeling that society has high standards for "good parents" and striving to meet these standards. For example: - Must constantly monitor children's every move - Can't let children make any mistakes - Worry about being labeled "incompetent parents"

Research Overview

Researchers surveyed 386 complete Chinese families (including fathers, mothers, and adolescent children), using the "Actor-Partner Interdependence Model" to analyze mutual influences between parents.

Research Findings

Fathers' Situation

- **Actor Effect**: Fathers' perfectionism directly relates to their close supervision of children - The more fathers pursue social perfection standards, the stricter their supervision - This may stem from traditional "men as breadwinners" concepts, with fathers feeling responsible for family reputation

Mothers' Situation

- **Partner Effect**: Mothers' perfectionism affects fathers' supervision of children - When mothers feel they can't meet standards, they indirectly prompt fathers to increase supervision - As "primary caregivers," mothers care more about social evaluation, transferring pressure to fathers

Psychological Control Effects

- Both parents' perfectionism affects their use of psychological control - Psychological control includes: making children feel guilty, manipulating with love, etc. - When anxious about meeting standards, parents use psychological control to ensure obedience

Problems from Excessive Perfectionism

Such excessive control and perfectionism demands can create pressure for children: - Children may feel oppressed - Affects mental health - Hinders personality development

Practical Advice for Parents

1. Adjust Expectations

- Recognize social standards aren't absolute - Every child is unique - Respect children's individuality and growth pace

2. Strengthen Couple Communication

- Fathers and mothers should discuss parenting expectations - Share respective pressure feelings - Practice mutual understanding and support

3. Learn Tolerance

- Be tolerant of children: Mistakes are normal growth processes - Be tolerant of yourself: Parents make mistakes too - Parenting is a long journey, not a sprint

Summary

Social parenting perfectionism has dual-edged effects: - **Positive**: May motivate parents to become better - **Negative**: May lead to excessive control, affecting children's mental health

The key is finding balance - pursuing excellence while giving children adequate growth space. Parenting is a journey requiring mutual growth!